Fifteen years ago on Valentine’s day, I took the train all the way to my boyfriend’s house, expecting to have a beautiful, romantic night together (after missing him so much) only to get dumped by him – in public – the second I stepped off the train.
We had just gotten back together for three days [because I begged him desperately for a relationship (after I left in the first place because he cheated on me with my “friend”)].
Before that irreparable breech of trust, I mostly felt alone, sad, and unhappy anyway. He didn’t spend enough time with me and often had something better to do – even if I wasn’t in agreement or didn’t feel safe and secure about the things he got into. I wasn’t a priority, the way I felt wasn’t a priority, and I constantly felt lonely, abandoned, neglected, and heartbroken.
So why did I stay around? And, why did I beg him back after I got cheated on?
To name a few reasons, I had zero personal power, low self-worth, low self-respect, didn’t know how to date discerningly in the first place, and couldn’t to stand for my wants and needs. And, of course, I didn’t believe that I was worthy of anything more than the pain and sadness I had known with so many men (before and after this Valentine’s Day).
When we lack crucial personal, dating, and relationship skills, we’re bound to keep attracting the wrong partner and painful relationships.
Eventually, we’ll either settle and stay stuck with the wrong guy or get jaded and give up, which are all fear-based choices.
Don’t go down those roads. And, if you’re already on those roads, it’s not too late to turn around and LEARN how to get love right, It’s not too late to have what you REALLY want. (You obviously really want it if you’re anywhere near me.)
How did I go from decades of horrific experiences with men – many even worse than the one mentioned above – to having the extraordinary man and relationship I have today where I do get my wants and needs met?
Everything shifted when I started truly loving and honoring myself by learning how to date discerningly, which required taking clear action, making clear choices, and taking a firm stand for what I truly want and need from a partner to feel good, happy, safe, important, and loved. It’s in the DOING – not just the knowing – that we truly change our lives and create the new loving experiences we deeply want.
Committing to learning these skills is the best personal development program you could ever put yourself through because it requires you to become the strongest, most powerful, and most resilient version of yourself. That will break any negative dating and relationship pattern and empower you to attract extraordinary love with the right extraordinary man for you.
HOW’S MY V-DAY IN 2018?! IT’S WONDERFUL mainly because I’m truly grateful to have such a good man to love and be loved by!
While we’re celebrating V-day a little later (because we love having the world to ourselves), I also made it clear that I still wanted a little something on Valentine’s Day.
This morning I woke up, went into my office, and found this beautiful little Money Tree surprise on my desk!
I told him a while back that I find roses cliche, especially on Valentine’s Day, and I was thrilled that HE REMEMBERED TO DO SOMETHING AND DIDN’T GET ME ROSES!
I whipped a feast together for him of his favorites foods from three of our neighborhood eateries, and he got to enjoy them as soon as he got home from work. I put his buffet on an old school cafeteria tray to give it a unique nostalgic touch!
(We should’ve taken a selfie! Whoops!)
Happy Valentine’s, Beauties! ️
Know that I’m thinking of you and you’re in my heart today!!! ️
Did you know that all it takes to love and accept yourself and finally be enough is SIMPLY making the choice to DECIDE that YOU JUST ARE?
You really don’t have to be any prettier, thinner, smarter, more successful, or blah, blah, and blah!
You JUST have to DECIDE that YOU’RE INCREDIBLE NOW!
Once you create this revolution from within, bigger and bigger love will show up – not just with men, but in all parts of your life!
Here’s your mantra for today: “I’m truly enough and worthy of BIG LOVE just as I am.”
Let this belief put a smile on your face, which will put smiles on others’ faces! Allow this beautiful, positive energy to radiate into the world and attract more love in!….And HOLD ON to this belief relentlessly, especially during challenging times, because your happiness is worth fighting for!
Wanting to please each other in a relationship is a beautiful, loving act that my man and I naturally do for each other daily, and there are no issues with us doing so because it’s reciprocal and we have a great relationship.
However, what I often see in painful situations is one-way giving.
If you often find yourself doing whatever you can to please non-reciprocating men or men who only give you crumbs of attention, please know that this is self-destructive behavior that you must cease if you’re ever going to find TRUE LOVE.
When you invest your energy into men that don’t, won’t, or can’t love you back, you energetically perpetuate the painful pattern of attracting MORE unavailable, non-committal, and/or untrustworthy men.
Here are 2 tips for breaking the negative man-pleasing pattern:
1. Give yourself the love, approval, and validation you’re seeking. Empowered women KNOW that they’re valuable and worthy of respect, love, and attention regardless of what anyone does or thinks of them. They base their worth on THEIR OWN POSITIVE OPINIONS of themselves rather than on someone else’s actions or opinions….Get to the place where you don’t take rejection personally from the men you date and you’ll truly know strength and freedom and become amazingly magnetic to high-quality men.
2. Know that he’s NOT The One until he proves it. Oftentimes women jump the gun when there’s strong chemistry and attraction. It’s easy to float away on a cloud when your brain is chemically high on these; however, a man MUST prove himself to you FIRST before you can allow yourself to start believing that he’s The One. Any visions you may have of happily ever after before he has done anything, or has done anything consistently, to deserve your love is pure imprisoning fantasy that can keep you stuck for many years.
Only please those who deserve to be pleased, and you’ll know who they are because it’ll FEEL GOOD (instead of painful).
I speak to lots of women weekly about their love lives, and a common concern that women have is knowing when it’s “the right time” to find love?
As people, we go through breakups, divorces, job and career changes, and other transitional and life-changing events that sometimes force us to have to re-invent ourselves.
So when in the midst of it all is it a good time to find love?
Well, it’s not so much about a “good time” as it is about HAVING A GOOD SELF-IMAGE – knowing that you’re worthy of love just as you are – no matter your age, weight, financial situation, career situation, or whatever!
What I see holding women back from love most is the belief that they’re somehow not enough.
QUITE FOOLIN’ YOURSELF, HUN!…Because the years fly be fast, and now’s a good a time as any to finally DECIDE that you’re enough for love!
We’ve all had men we really, really like and hoped was The One disappear on us, whether it’s after promising to call and going out on a first date or after a series of dates that seemed amazing.
So what do you do when this happens?!
To preserve your personal power and self-worth, stay away from:
1. Chasing him
2. Trying to get answers
3. Trying to get closure
4. Lashing out at him in anger
5. Stalking him online/offline
If you do any of the above things, he will see you as a low-value woman who is desperate, clingy, needy, and/or crazy, and you will deepen your unhealthy attachment to him.
The number one thing you can do in such a situation is to take extra good care of yourself by loving yourself up!
You have to be strong and loving enough to always be there for you – to be your own rock, savior, and lover.
Here are 5 steps to recovery when he disappears:
1. Have compassion for him.
I know this sounds and feels counter-intuitive, but remember – lots of people are just effin scared. There could be a lot of stuff coming up for him that’s causing him to future trip, and he just doesn’t have the communication skills to work through them or express his deal.
2. Have compassion for yourself.
There’s nothing so wrong with anyone on this planet that makes them unworthy of being loved, so don’t pick yourself apart, punish yourself, or allow your mind to replay the reasons why you’re not enough. Shut the negativity OFF.
3. Say loving things to yourself.
Talk to yourself as if you were lifting the spirits of someone super dear to you that you truly, truly love! How would you encourage them? Make them feel beautiful? Give them hope? And reassure them that the RIGHT man for them exists? Do this for yourself!
4. Keep your heart open.
It’s crucial to get yourself to the other side of abandonment and rejection with an open heart, because an open heart is Love’s doorway. No matter how many disappointments happen, it’s your responsibility to keep the door to love open if you ever want it to enter your life.
5. Take responsibility to improve.
Each experience with men shows us where we need to step up. It’s your responsibility to decode each experience and uplevel your self-love, your belief system, and your dating and relationship skills until you get into total alignment with what you want.
There’s A LOT of dating info out there telling you to play hard to get – telling you to play a game, manipulate, be inauthentic about your feelings, be elusive, and make the other person feel like they’re not good enough on some level – in order to get love from them…Pretty twisted.
Sure, it works – but only if you want a man who’s chasing you because he’s intrigued by a mysterious fantasy (that you won’t be able to hold up forever and will eventually shatter), or a man driven by an egoic need to prove he can have any woman he wants, or a man who lacks self-love and chooses unavailable women – none of which have anything to do with REALLY seeing you or seeing you as a potential life partner.
How could he even know anything that deep and meaningful for sure if you’re just putting up facades or playing hard to get?!
A relationship built on the above grounds will eventually break, no matter how great or passionate it started out in the first place…He was only into you because you were playing hard to get – a game that can’t be played forever.
So how do you allow him to pursue you in a way that doesn’t create self-sabotage?
By allowing him to pursue under the understanding and belief that there’s MUTUAL interest.
This is healthy: Dating a man who wants to stay around and explore possibilities because he believes you do TOO!
Showing mutual interest is an effective dating strategy for eliminating unavailable people, players, and people who’ll eventually turn out to be all wrong for you later.