The First Step to Being Confident is Creating Confidence from Within
If you struggle with confidence, then you probably believe that you need some form of external validation to fuel your self-worth. Whether it’s wanting to lose weight, attracting more men, or achieving “success” – whatever it is, it all comes down to being stuck in the trap of NEEDING EXTERNAL APPROVAL FROM OTHERS.
HERE’S YOUR BREAKTHROUGH SECRET:
Confidence is actually something you have to CREATE FROM WITHIN FIRST. Once you’re confident from within, it’ll naturally show on the outside and yield more positive recognition from others.
Yes, it’s backward, and I’ll illustrate this Truth by sharing a story of a man I dated in the past…
By mainstream societal standards, this man isn’t handsome, hot, sexy, or attractive, and during my years with him, I actually had TWO women tell me so to my face!
One woman was a good friend, and the other hardly even knew me, and BOTH had the nerve to ask me this extremely bold (and extremely rude) question:
“Why are you with this guy, Orchid?! He’s so ugly! And you’re too good for him!”
They believed that they were “looking out for me,” but, of course, it hurt and angered me; however, at the same time, it didn’t change my feelings for him because I knew that they were too shallow to see his beauty.
What he had was far more special than any magazine boy who just has looks, and he was attractive to me in many ways, including physically, because he had his own beliefs, his own views about life, his own values, his own style, and he OWNED IT ALL!
HE VALIDATED HIMSELF AND BELIEVED IN HIS OWN UNIQUENESS AND GREATNESS, WHICH HE EXPRESSED IN EVERY WAY POSSIBLE.
His confidence shined through in how he lived – how he carried himself, spoke his mind, danced, dressed, and created art.
He was confidently, authentically, and unapologetically himself, and this attracted and magnetized people who appreciated him (sans mainstream media worshippers).
Because he believed that he had worth and value, regardless of mainstream societal standards or what anyone thought of him, he CREATED CONFIDENCE FROM WITHIN.
Whether you fit into the mainstream mold of being enough OR NOT, if you lack confidence, then I invite you to STOP GIVING A FUCK about what others think and start giving yourself the approval and validation you want, because until you do, NO ONE ELSE WILL.
You can start by making a list of all the things that are great and wonderful about you, and all the things that you have to offer as a human being, friend, sister, mother, daughter, life partner, etc. ALL these things make you SPECIAL and make you a GREAT CATCH, and you better start standing for this Truth someday (like how about today?!), because if you don’t, NO ONE ELSE WILL.
Once you start doing this and KEEP IT UP, things ARE going to shift for you! You’ll start attracting and magnetizing people like never before, including more men, because creating CONFIDENCE from within is the secret spark that’ll make you attractive and magnetic in the external world!
You have absolutely nothing to lose, so don’t be scared, don’t make excuses, and don’t say “BUT!” Where has saying “but, but, but” gotten you? Nowhere except stuck in the painful prison of having low self-esteem. So throw away all your negative beliefs and try creating confidence from within. Really, REALLY try it! And, LIVE IT! Because that’s EXACTLY what’s finally going to create the results you’ve been wishing and longing for all these years.
I’ve had clients of every body type, look, and age turn their lives – and their love lives – around by CREATING CONFIDENCE FROM WITHIN. Now it’s YOUR TURN!
Do you ever wonder when Mr. Right is ever going to show up in your life?! While I’m NOT a psychic (and I don’t believe psychics can really tell you the truth), here are 5 of my hard-learned lessons that will help you vet out wrong men quickly and find The One!
- Get to Know Him First Before Becoming Too Attached
Physical, chemical, and sexual attraction isn’t enough – not even if you have a ton in common and he’s sexy and rich!
Take the time to get to know someone very, very well FIRST, specifically when it comes to getting your core wants and needs met BEFORE having sex and becoming so emotionally attached that you can’t walk away if he’s wrong for you; otherwise, you’re doomed to fall in love with a fantasy of how you wish things could be, which always ends up in heartbreak and wastes your precious time.
There’s no such thing as going too slow when he’s really The One.
- Prioritize Getting Your Wants and Needs Met (Instead of Getting His Approval)
Your core wants and needs include: 1) How you need to be treated, 2) How a man needs to behave, and 3) How a man needs to express his love to you for you to really feel deeply loved, safe, secure, and happy in a relationship with him.
Getting your core wants and needs met in these three ways should always be your FIRST PRIORITY, rather than fearfully setting yourself aside in hopes of gaining his commitment and approval!
If a man can’t give you what you want and need, he’s definitely NOT right for you (no matter how much you wish he were).
- Gain the Courage and Skills to Speak Up for Yourself Gracefully
Don’t suffer in silence when something’s WRONG. Not only is this self-torture, but bottled up hurt and anger eventually explodes, sabotaging relationships anyway!
However, it’s crucial to know HOW to speak up healthily and gracefully because attacking, blaming, yelling, and screaming won’t work. No one hears you when you come at them aggressively (even if you’re clearly in the right).
Furthermore, a negative communication style will surely create what you don’t want – an unhealthy, dysfunctional relationship that doesn’t work.
You’ve got to get skilled in healthy, gracefully communication NOW, so you don’t blow it when Mr. Right shows up.
- Consistency is Key
Every single man who broke my heart was INCONSISTENT! They inconsistently texted, inconsistently called, and inconsistently made time for me (because they didn’t want to commit).
If a man doesn’t prioritize you, then he’s not worth prioritizing.
When the right man shows up, his actions will be CONSISTENT, and your heart will feel SO GOOD because of it.
- Cut Your Losses Early
If you know that he’s NOT “The One” for any reason(s), let him go because what’s blocking you from meeting the RIGHT man is wasting your precious time on the WRONG ones (even if you’re only seeing him part-time).
Closing the door is the best thing for BOTH of you unless there’s MUTUAL belief that you belong together.
You’ve got to vet out wrong men and walk through the fire of letting every single one of them go quickly to find your RIGHT man any time soon.
DO YOU HAVE A PATTERN OF ATTRACTING WRONG MEN WHO DON’T GIVE YOU WHAT YOU WANT AND NEED EMOTIONALLY AND/OR WHO DON’T WANT TO COMMIT?
If YES, catch my FREE 5 Things You Must Know and Do to Attract Your Emotionally Available Man Masterclass >> HERE.
- How to Spot Emotionally Unavailable Men
- Core Beliefs that Create LOW SELF-WORTH and Perpetuate the Pattern of Attracting Emotionally Unavailable Men
- 2 Types of Women Who Attract Emotionally Unavailable Men
- Discerning Dating Skills That Will Break this Pattern
- The Secret to Getting ALL of this Down Successfully (So You Can Finally Attract the RIGHT Emotionally Available, Committed High-Quality Man for You)
EMPOWER YOURSELF FOR DATING LIKE A BADASS AND FINDING LOVE.
>> Register for my masterclass here.
Fifteen years ago on Valentine’s day, I took the train all the way to my boyfriend’s house, expecting to have a beautiful, romantic night together (after missing him so much) only to get dumped by him – in public – the second I stepped off the train.
We had just gotten back together for three days [because I begged him desperately for a relationship (after I left in the first place because he cheated on me with my “friend”)].
Before that irreparable breech of trust, I mostly felt alone, sad, and unhappy anyway. He didn’t spend enough time with me and often had something better to do – even if I wasn’t in agreement or didn’t feel safe and secure about the things he got into. I wasn’t a priority, the way I felt wasn’t a priority, and I constantly felt lonely, abandoned, neglected, and heartbroken.
So why did I stay around? And, why did I beg him back after I got cheated on?
To name a few reasons, I had zero personal power, low self-worth, low self-respect, didn’t know how to date discerningly in the first place, and couldn’t to stand for my wants and needs. And, of course, I didn’t believe that I was worthy of anything more than the pain and sadness I had known with so many men (before and after this Valentine’s Day).
When we lack crucial personal, dating, and relationship skills, we’re bound to keep attracting the wrong partner and painful relationships.
Eventually, we’ll either settle and stay stuck with the wrong guy or get jaded and give up, which are all fear-based choices.
Don’t go down those roads. And, if you’re already on those roads, it’s not too late to turn around and LEARN how to get love right, It’s not too late to have what you REALLY want. (You obviously really want it if you’re anywhere near me.)
How did I go from decades of horrific experiences with men – many even worse than the one mentioned above – to having the extraordinary man and relationship I have today where I do get my wants and needs met?
Everything shifted when I started truly loving and honoring myself by learning how to date discerningly, which required taking clear action, making clear choices, and taking a firm stand for what I truly want and need from a partner to feel good, happy, safe, important, and loved. It’s in the DOING – not just the knowing – that we truly change our lives and create the new loving experiences we deeply want.
Committing to learning these skills is the best personal development program you could ever put yourself through because it requires you to become the strongest, most powerful, and most resilient version of yourself. That will break any negative dating and relationship pattern and empower you to attract extraordinary love with the right extraordinary man for you.
HOW’S MY V-DAY IN 2018?! IT’S WONDERFUL mainly because I’m truly grateful to have such a good man to love and be loved by!
While we’re celebrating V-day a little later (because we love having the world to ourselves), I also made it clear that I still wanted a little something on Valentine’s Day.
This morning I woke up, went into my office, and found this beautiful little Money Tree surprise on my desk!
I told him a while back that I find roses cliche, especially on Valentine’s Day, and I was thrilled that HE REMEMBERED TO DO SOMETHING AND DIDN’T GET ME ROSES!
I whipped a feast together for him of his favorites foods from three of our neighborhood eateries, and he got to enjoy them as soon as he got home from work. I put his buffet on an old school cafeteria tray to give it a unique nostalgic touch!
(We should’ve taken a selfie! Whoops!)
Happy Valentine’s, Beauties! ️
Know that I’m thinking of you and you’re in my heart today!!! ️
Did you know that all it takes to love and accept yourself and finally be enough is SIMPLY making the choice to DECIDE that YOU JUST ARE?
You really don’t have to be any prettier, thinner, smarter, more successful, or blah, blah, and blah!
You JUST have to DECIDE that YOU’RE INCREDIBLE NOW!
Once you create this revolution from within, bigger and bigger love will show up – not just with men, but in all parts of your life!
Here’s your mantra for today: “I’m truly enough and worthy of BIG LOVE just as I am.”
Let this belief put a smile on your face, which will put smiles on others’ faces! Allow this beautiful, positive energy to radiate into the world and attract more love in!….And HOLD ON to this belief relentlessly, especially during challenging times, because your happiness is worth fighting for!
Wanting to please each other in a relationship is a beautiful, loving act that my man and I naturally do for each other daily, and there are no issues with us doing so because it’s reciprocal and we have a great relationship.
However, what I often see in painful situations is one-way giving.
If you often find yourself doing whatever you can to please non-reciprocating men or men who only give you crumbs of attention, please know that this is self-destructive behavior that you must cease if you’re ever going to find TRUE LOVE.
When you invest your energy into men that don’t, won’t, or can’t love you back, you energetically perpetuate the painful pattern of attracting MORE unavailable, non-committal, and/or untrustworthy men.
Here are 2 tips for breaking the negative man-pleasing pattern:
1. Give yourself the love, approval, and validation you’re seeking. Empowered women KNOW that they’re valuable and worthy of respect, love, and attention regardless of what anyone does or thinks of them. They base their worth on THEIR OWN POSITIVE OPINIONS of themselves rather than on someone else’s actions or opinions….Get to the place where you don’t take rejection personally from the men you date and you’ll truly know strength and freedom and become amazingly magnetic to high-quality men.
2. Know that he’s NOT The One until he proves it. Oftentimes women jump the gun when there’s strong chemistry and attraction. It’s easy to float away on a cloud when your brain is chemically high on these; however, a man MUST prove himself to you FIRST before you can allow yourself to start believing that he’s The One. Any visions you may have of happily ever after before he has done anything, or has done anything consistently, to deserve your love is pure imprisoning fantasy that can keep you stuck for many years.
Only please those who deserve to be pleased, and you’ll know who they are because it’ll FEEL GOOD (instead of painful).
I speak to lots of women weekly about their love lives, and a common concern that women have is knowing when it’s “the right time” to find love?
As people, we go through breakups, divorces, job and career changes, and other transitional and life-changing events that sometimes force us to have to re-invent ourselves.
So when in the midst of it all is it a good time to find love?
Well, it’s not so much about a “good time” as it is about HAVING A GOOD SELF-IMAGE – knowing that you’re worthy of love just as you are – no matter your age, weight, financial situation, career situation, or whatever!
What I see holding women back from love most is the belief that they’re somehow not enough.
QUITE FOOLIN’ YOURSELF, HUN!…Because the years fly be fast, and now’s a good a time as any to finally DECIDE that you’re enough for love!