1. NOT LOVING YOURSELF FIRST.
Self-hate is believing that you are worthless, unloveable, and undeserving of love. You can hate yourself without even realizing it. In dating, this is especially dangerous, because it often results in attracting unavailable, uncommitted, manipulative, and/or abusive men – men who lack self-love too. Or, it can have a reverse effect, where you attract no men at all.
To gauge your capacity for self-love, ask yourself this question: How do the men I give my attention to treat me?
Your answer reflects how much you love (or don’t love) yourself. Whether you’re conscious of it or not, you spend your energy on exactly the kind of man you believe you deserve, and what you believe you deserve creates your reality.
Here’s why: Everything in existence is made up of electromagnetic energy, and your reality is the result of the Universe reflecting back to you the electromagnetic energy of your thoughts and feelings – your beliefs about yourself and what’s possible, making you The Creator of your reality.
If you want to align with loving, cherishing, and committed men, you must FIRST commit to loving and cherishing yourself.
2. NOT HEALING YOUR LIFE FIRST.
Unhealed wounds become inner demons that burden relationships heavily, often sabotaging happiness and love. Until healing begins and significant shift is achieved, you’ll keep attracting the same kind of men and partnerships that perpetuate the past.
The more you heal, the more love, peace, and joy you’ll have to give to a relationship, making you a more enjoyable person to be and stay with.
The best time to do self-work is when you’re single, because your energy isn’t intertwined with someone else’s, especially in negative patterns that keep you stuck in darkness. While I’m not saying that everyone must be completely healed before ever dating again, I am saying that it’s important to start finding peace and happiness now.
Partnerships of people who are committed to their own healing and have the emotional capacity to support each other achieve greater health, happiness, and love.
3. NOT KNOW YOURSELF FIRST.
The lack of self-knowledge makes it impossible to know who and what is right for you,
therefore, choosing a partner before you know yourself guarantees eventual unhappiness. The best relationships are ones where partners honor the following in themselves and each other:
- Core Values
You can also learn a lot about yourself from your past. Look back and ask yourself: What are the negative and positive patters? What made my feel loved and unloved?
The more you know and honor yourself, the better you’ll be at choosing your best match.
4. NOT BEING YOURSELF.
It’s human to want to be liked, especially by the person you’re seeing stars for, but you’ve got to be real if you want real love.
Lying or withholding important information, such as what your real job is or the fact that you have children, is a surefire way to create disaster. When you base your life on lies, it’s only a matter of time before everything comes to a head and explodes in your face.
Being honest and being yourself are imperative if you want to find your right partner, and being loved for who you really are is the only love worth having. (Loving yourself empowers you to be yourself!)
5. MOVING TOO FAST.
Oxytocin, the “Love” hormone, is dangerously powerful and affects women more than men due to Nature’s will for procreation (BOO!!). In dating, it makes you feel OHHHHHHH SOOOOOOO HIGH and IN LOVE!
Oxytocin may possess you as soon as you have a crush on someone, or as soon as you hold hands with or kiss a guy. But, if you’re like most women, it definitely happens by the time you screw and spend the night together! And, almost everyone screws TOO SOON! Ladies, you know where this leads you – to getting emotionally and physically attached and wanting a relationship before you even really know a guy!
Moving too fast leads to having dysfunctional relationships that don’t work, or getting hooked on unavailable men. To help yourself stay grounded, hold out on sex for at least 2 months. This’ll give you time to really get to know someone, so you’re not making choices based only on your heart and hormones (oxytocin-induced emotions and sexual attraction) – but also your mind.
And, by the way – if you want to know if someone’s really serious about you, I recommend making it a personal standard and requirement to get STD tests together before having sex. Not only is this an incredibly self-loving act, it’ll also scare away anyone who’s withholding information and/or really doesn’t want to commit.
You want to be with someone who’s unquestionably right for you, someone you whole-heartedly know you want to be with (even if there are little things you wish you could tweak about them, such as their hairstyle or wardrobe).
Manifesting a high-level match requires knowing and honoring your core values – the non-negotiables that are vital to your happiness and fulfillment. Maybe you need a certain lifestyle, want to get married, or want to raise a family. In any case, both partners must be willing to honor each other’s core values; otherwise, you’ll be blaming each other for your unhappiness down the road. Be proactive! Take responsibility for your happiness the entire way by knowing and choosing what you want! (Self-knowledge and self-love are keys to avoiding too much self- compromise!)
7. LACKING HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP SKILLS.
What kills most relationships? Having a nasty, unhealthy fight style that creates layers upon layers of hurt, anger, resentment, and distrust. It’s really, really hard not to go here, especially if you have zero knowledge and skills of how not to.
For now, start with yourself. Become a great listener, and learn how to communicate any negative feelings you have towards others in ways that are constructive and non- hurtful. In choosing your next relationship, make sure to choose a partner who’s willing to learn these skills pronto if they don’t have them already. Because it takes maturity and commitment, having this essential standard ensures alignment with a quality
partner! Also, having these skills is the best thing you could ever do for all of your beloved relationships!
The key to having amazing, lasting love completely starts with YOU – with creating a healthy, happy, and loving relationship with yourself. As you create positive energy shifts and transform your life, you’ll attract better and better potentials – men who get closer and closer to what you truly desire – until you know you’re in perfect alignment with your Co-Creator for healthy, happy lasting love!
If you’re ready to take your personal and love life to the next level, I’m happy to offer you a FREE 20 minute “Handle My Love Life” Clarity Call . I’ll create a plan for you to get healthy, happy lasting love with a man you’re absolutely attracted to and compatible with! Spots are limited and fill up fast (on a first come first serve basis), so grabs yours asap! CLICK HERE to schedule your FREE “Handle My Love Life”’ Clarity Call NOW.
Also, I invite you to join my Facebook Group – MINDFUL DATING & RELATIONSHIPS FOR BADASS WOMEN – at www.facebook.com/groups/mindfuldating. It’s a great place for inspiration, motivation, and enlightened conversations about life, love, and relationships.