Decide That You’re Enough (And You Will Be)!

Did you know that all it takes to love and accept yourself and finally be enough is SIMPLY making the choice to DECIDE that YOU JUST ARE?
You really don’t have to be any prettier, thinner, smarter, more successful, or blah, blah, and blah!
You JUST have to DECIDE that YOU’RE INCREDIBLE NOW! 
Once you create this revolution from within, bigger and bigger love will show up – not just with men, but in all parts of your life!
Here’s your mantra for today: “I’m truly enough and worthy of BIG LOVE just as I am.”
Let this belief put a smile on your face, which will put smiles on others’ faces! Allow this beautiful, positive energy to radiate into the world and attract more love in!….And HOLD ON to this belief relentlessly, especially during challenging times, because your happiness is worth fighting for!

Are You a Man Pleaser?

Wanting to please each other in a relationship is a beautiful, loving act that my man and I naturally do for each other daily, and there are no issues with us doing so because it’s reciprocal and we have a great relationship.
However, what I often see in painful situations is one-way giving.
If you often find yourself doing whatever you can to please non-reciprocating men or men who only give you crumbs of attention, please know that this is self-destructive behavior that you must cease if you’re ever going to find TRUE LOVE.
When you invest your energy into men that don’t, won’t, or can’t love you back, you energetically perpetuate the painful pattern of attracting MORE unavailable, non-committal, and/or untrustworthy men.
Here are 2 tips for breaking the negative man-pleasing pattern:
1. Give yourself the love, approval, and validation you’re seeking. Empowered women KNOW that they’re valuable and worthy of respect, love, and attention regardless of what anyone does or thinks of them. They base their worth on THEIR OWN POSITIVE OPINIONS of themselves rather than on someone else’s actions or opinions….Get to the place where you don’t take rejection personally from the men you date and you’ll truly know strength and freedom and become amazingly magnetic to high-quality men.
2. Know that he’s NOT The One until he proves it. Oftentimes women jump the gun when there’s strong chemistry and attraction. It’s easy to float away on a cloud when your brain is chemically high on these; however, a man MUST prove himself to you FIRST before you can allow yourself to start believing that he’s The One. Any visions you may have of happily ever after before he has done anything, or has done anything consistently, to deserve your love is pure imprisoning fantasy that can keep you stuck for many years.
Only please those who deserve to be pleased, and you’ll know who they are because it’ll FEEL GOOD (instead of painful).

Is It the “Right Time” for Love?

I speak to lots of women weekly about their love lives, and a common concern that women have is knowing when it’s “the right time” to find love?
As people, we go through breakups, divorces, job and career changes, and other transitional and life-changing events that sometimes force us to have to re-invent ourselves.
So when in the midst of it all is it a good time to find love?
Well, it’s not so much about a “good time” as it is about HAVING A GOOD SELF-IMAGE – knowing that you’re worthy of love just as you are – no matter your age, weight, financial situation, career situation, or whatever!
What I see holding women back from love most is the belief that they’re somehow not enough.
QUITE FOOLIN’ YOURSELF, HUN!…Because the years fly be fast, and now’s a good a time as any to finally DECIDE that you’re enough for love!

5 Steps to Recovery When He Disappears

We’ve all had men we really, really like and hoped was The One disappear on us, whether it’s after promising to call and going out on a first date or after a series of dates that seemed amazing.
So what do you do when this happens?!
To preserve your personal power and self-worth, stay away from:
1. Chasing him
2. Trying to get answers
3. Trying to get closure
4. Lashing out at him in anger
5. Stalking him online/offline
If you do any of the above things, he will see you as a low-value woman who is desperate, clingy, needy, and/or crazy, and you will deepen your unhealthy attachment to him.
The number one thing you can do in such a situation is to take extra good care of yourself by loving yourself up!
 
You have to be strong and loving enough to always be there for you – to be your own rock, savior, and lover.
Here are 5 steps to recovery when he disappears:
1. Have compassion for him. 
I know this sounds and feels counter-intuitive, but remember – lots of people are just effin scared. There could be a lot of stuff coming up for him that’s causing him to future trip, and he just doesn’t have the communication skills to work through them or express his deal.
2. Have compassion for yourself.
There’s nothing so wrong with anyone on this planet that makes them unworthy of being loved, so don’t pick yourself apart, punish yourself, or allow your mind to replay the reasons why you’re not enough. Shut the negativity OFF.
3. Say loving things to yourself.
Talk to yourself as if you were lifting the spirits of someone super dear to you that you truly, truly love! How would you encourage them? Make them feel beautiful? Give them hope? And reassure them that the RIGHT man for them exists? Do this for yourself!
4. Keep your heart open.
It’s crucial to get yourself to the other side of abandonment and rejection with an open heart, because an open heart is Love’s doorway. No matter how many disappointments happen, it’s your responsibility to keep the door to love open if you ever want it to enter your life.
5. Take responsibility to improve.
Each experience with men shows us where we need to step up. It’s your responsibility to decode each experience and uplevel your self-love, your belief system, and your dating and relationship skills until you get into total alignment with what you want.

7 EARLY DATING MISTAKES

1.  NOT LOVING YOURSELF FIRST.

Self-hate is believing that you are worthless, unloveable, and undeserving of love.  You can hate yourself without even realizing it.  In dating, this is especially dangerous, because it often results in attracting unavailable, uncommitted, manipulative, and/or abusive men – men who lack self-love too.  Or, it can have a reverse effect, where you attract no men at all.

To gauge your capacity for self-love, ask yourself this question:  How do the men I give my attention to treat me?

Your answer reflects how much you love (or don’t love) yourself.  Whether you’re conscious of it or not, you spend your energy on exactly the kind of man you believe you deserve, and what you believe you deserve creates your reality.

Here’s why:  Everything in existence is made up of electromagnetic energy, and your reality is the result of the Universe reflecting back to you the electromagnetic energy of your thoughts and feelings – your beliefs about yourself and what’s possible, making you The Creator of your reality.

If you want to align with loving, cherishing, and committed men, you must FIRST commit to loving and cherishing yourself.

2.  NOT HEALING YOUR LIFE FIRST.

Unhealed wounds become inner demons that burden relationships heavily, often sabotaging happiness and love.  Until healing begins and significant shift is achieved, you’ll keep attracting the same kind of men and partnerships that perpetuate the past.

The more you heal, the more love, peace, and joy you’ll have to give to a relationship, making you a more enjoyable person to be and stay with.

The best time to do self-work is when you’re single, because your energy isn’t intertwined with someone else’s, especially in negative patterns that keep you stuck in darkness.  While I’m not saying that everyone must be completely healed before ever dating again, I am saying that it’s important to start finding peace and happiness now.

Partnerships of people who are committed to their own healing and have the emotional capacity to support each other achieve greater health, happiness, and love.

3.  NOT KNOW YOURSELF FIRST.

The lack of self-knowledge makes it impossible to know who and what is right for you,

therefore, choosing a partner before you know yourself guarantees eventual unhappiness.  The best relationships are ones where partners honor the following in themselves and each other:

    1. Passions
    2. Purpose
    3. Core Values    

You can also learn a lot about yourself from your past.  Look back and ask yourself:  What are the negative and positive patters?  What made my feel loved and unloved?

The more you know and honor yourself, the better you’ll be at choosing your best match.

4.  NOT BEING YOURSELF.

It’s human to want to be liked, especially by the person you’re seeing stars for, but you’ve got to be real if you want real love.

Lying or withholding important information, such as what your real job is or the fact that you have children, is a surefire way to create disaster.  When you base your life on lies, it’s only a matter of time before everything comes to a head and explodes in your face.

Being honest and being yourself are imperative if you want to find your right partner, and being loved for who you really are is the only love worth having. (Loving yourself empowers you to be yourself!)

5.  MOVING TOO FAST.

Oxytocin, the “Love” hormone, is dangerously powerful and affects women more than men due to Nature’s will for procreation (BOO!!).  In dating, it makes you feel OHHHHHHH SOOOOOOO HIGH and IN LOVE!

Oxytocin may possess you as soon as you have a crush on someone, or as soon as you hold hands with or kiss a guy.  But, if you’re like most women, it definitely happens by the time you screw and spend the night together!  And, almost everyone screws TOO SOON!  Ladies, you know where this leads you – to getting emotionally and physically attached and wanting a relationship before you even really know a guy!

Moving too fast leads to having dysfunctional relationships that don’t work, or getting hooked on unavailable men.  To help yourself stay grounded, hold out on sex for at least 2 months.  This’ll give you time to really get to know someone, so you’re not making choices based only on your heart and hormones (oxytocin-induced emotions and sexual attraction) – but also your mind.

And, by the way – if you want to know if someone’s really serious about you, I recommend making it a personal standard and requirement to get STD tests together before having sex.  Not only is this an incredibly self-loving act, it’ll also scare away anyone who’s withholding information and/or really doesn’t want to commit.

6.  OVER-COMPROMISING.

You want to be with someone who’s unquestionably right for you, someone you whole-heartedly know you want to be with (even if there are little things you wish you could tweak about them, such as their hairstyle or wardrobe).

Manifesting a high-level match requires knowing and honoring your core values – the non-negotiables that are vital to your happiness and fulfillment.  Maybe you need a certain lifestyle, want to get married, or want to raise a family.  In any case, both partners must be willing to honor each other’s core values; otherwise, you’ll be blaming each other for your unhappiness down the road.  Be proactive!  Take responsibility for your happiness the entire way by knowing and choosing what you want!  (Self-knowledge and self-love are keys to avoiding too much self- compromise!)

7.  LACKING HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP SKILLS.

What kills most relationships? Having a nasty, unhealthy fight style that creates layers upon layers of hurt, anger, resentment, and distrust.  It’s really, really hard not to go here, especially if you have zero knowledge and skills of how not to.

For now, start with yourself.  Become a great listener, and learn how to communicate any negative feelings you have towards others in ways that are constructive and non- hurtful.  In choosing your next relationship, make sure to choose a partner who’s willing to learn these skills pronto if they don’t have them already.  Because it takes maturity and commitment, having this essential standard ensures alignment with a quality

partner!  Also, having these skills is the best thing you could ever do for all of your beloved relationships!

The key to having amazing, lasting love completely starts with YOU – with creating a healthy, happy, and loving relationship with yourself.  As you create positive energy shifts and transform your life, you’ll attract better and better potentials – men who get closer and closer to what you truly desire – until you know you’re in perfect alignment with your Co-Creator for healthy, happy lasting love!

If you’re ready to take your personal and love life to the next level, I’m happy to offer you a FREE 20 minute “Handle My Love Life” Clarity Call .      I’ll create a plan for you to get healthy, happy lasting love with a man you’re absolutely attracted to and compatible with!  Spots are limited and fill up fast (on a first come first serve basis), so grabs yours asap!  CLICK HERE to schedule your FREE “Handle My Love Life”’ Clarity Call NOW. 

Also, I invite you to join my Facebook Group – MINDFUL DATING & RELATIONSHIPS FOR BADASS WOMEN – at www.facebook.com/groups/mindfuldating.  It’s a great place for inspiration, motivation, and enlightened conversations about life, love, and relationships.